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file namedo1312-do1213p046.jpg

titleAre your friends ditching you?

subject date16-03-2021

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captionHere’s how to deal when you hear those hurtful words: “You can’t sit with us.” FRIENDS Ar e y o u r How to deal So what can you do when you love and get along with everyone in your group, except one person whose life mission seems to be leaving you out?” First, you need to realise that this form of bullying is NOT a reflection of your self-worth. “Being bullied doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. It’s so important to keep in mind that when people exclude you, it’s most often more reflective of their insecurities than it is about you,” says Lucy. Secondly, don’t fight fire with fire. Just ’cos she’s got an issue with you doesn’t mean you should compromise your morals by being rude back – it also doesn’t mean you should up your nice levels to “suck-up” proportions either. Instead, focus on cultivating friendships with those around you who are true friends. “It will be much more difficult for her to give you a hard time if she feels that you have a group of people supporting you,” says Lucy. “Talk to somebody you trust outside of the situation – a parent, sibling, teacher or friend from outside of school. They’ll not only be able to help you work out the next best steps to take, but really help you get a perspective of the situation because they won’t be under her control.” Also make an effort to keep your self-esteem in check by listing the things you like about yourself and run through it every morning before you go to school to help you remember that there’s nothing wrong (and everything right) with you. If you’re continually being excluded, these so called “friends” aren’t worth your time. K ate*, 15, had been friends with Tahlia* and Holly* for five years. “We were known as ‘the trio’ and we did everything together – until my family moved 30 minutes away,” says Kate. Gradually Tahlia and Holly grew more distant. “One month after

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file namedo1312-do1213p047.jpg

titleAre your friends ditching you?

subject date16-03-2021

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captionLEARN! Use the free viewa app and scan this page for tips on how to speak up when you’re excluded. WORKSHOP “I was fighting with a friend and the rest of t he group took her side. I saw the experience as a learni ng curve ’cos I real ised who my rea l fr ien ds w e re .” SU M M ER, 15 “My friend s at school gave me the silent t reatment be cause we weren’t get ti ng along. They avoided me but a fter a wh ile we mi ssed each other and talked it ou t .” TARA, 17 “My friends made new friends and started to ignore me. It made me feel betrayed but I learnt it wasn’t worth my time and my sister assured me that they weren’t the kind of friends I wanted.” KATE, 16 IF YOU NEED TO CONFIDENTIALLY CHAT TO SOMEONE, CALL THE KIDS HELPLINE ON 1800 55 1800. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN DITCHED BY YOUR FRIENDS? Stop the cycle Anyone who’s ever been left out would never want others to go through the same experience, but sometimes, as Kate discovered, we see it happening to someone else and don’t speak up. “After my two friends dumped me, I sat with some other friends. We were all heading to the movies on the weekend and another girl in the group asked if she could come along,” says Kate. “The ringleader of the group told her we weren’t going anymore, but secretly we were – she just wasn’t invited. Even though I didn’t agree, I just went along to the movie. I still feel horrible about it.” In these sitches, try to support the person being excluded. So if you see it happening, make an effort to make the person feel welcome. If a bully sees others supporting the person they’re trying to exclude, they’ll be less likely to think they can get away with it. you? ON THE STREET: CALL 13 61 16 TO SUBSCRIBE DOLLY 47 WORDS EDWINA CARR * NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED PHOTOGRAPHY BAUERMEDIASYNDICATION. COM. AU, RODNEY MACUJA, BEN HANSEN do1213p047_ bul - 47 2013-10-23T11:40:36+11:00