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title*Not Happy? Not a problem (really)

subject date15-03-2021

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caption46womensfitnessmagazine.com.au womensfitnessaustralia @womensfitnessmag @womensfitnessau WORDS RACHEL SMITH PHOTOGRAPHY GETTY IMAGES HAVE YOU NOTICED that the cult of happiness is everywhere these days? Or rather, tips and strategies on becoming happier are everywhere? Books. Websites. Magazines. TV shows. Radio. There’s laughing therapy and happiness projects and endless lists of what you can and should be doing to ensure you’re bursting with joy every single minute of every day. Seriously, it’s enough to make a person downright cranky. After all, when did an occasional wallow or full-blown bad day (wine optional) become a bad thing? “There’s defi nitely more pressure on us to be happy at any cost,” agrees Russ Harris, author of The Happiness Trap: Stop Struggling, Start Living (Exisle Publishing, $29.99). “We’re in a culture obsessed with feeling good and thinking positively, and we’re bombarded by these messages, many of which set unrealistic expectations. And everyone puts on a smiley face and plays along. If someone asks ‘How are you?’, you have to reply ‘Good thanks!’. The most negative reply you can give is ‘Not bad’. And sure, everyone goes around saying ‘No worries’ – but that’s almost never true!”He believes our culture is pathologising normal human emotions more and more, sending the message that if you’re not feeling happy, there’s something wrong with you. “And, of course, the big pharmaceutical companies are delighted with this, because the more this idea gets out there, the more people will end up on prescription medications.”Perhaps one person who cops it more than most about chasing 24/7 happiness is Dr Tim Sharp from The Happiness Institute in Sydney. (The name of his company probably doesn’t help.) As Not a problem In a world seemingly obsessed with chasing joy, could trying too hard to be happy actually be making us miserable? NOT HAPPY? (R e a l y !) a leader in the fi eld of positive psychology – which is what The Happin

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title*Not Happy? Not a problem (really)

subject date15-03-2021

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caption47 WORDS RACHEL SMITH PHOTOGRAPHY GETTY IMAGES Live t 1 Cushion, $80, ecochic.com.au 2 Mug, $13.95, funky homes.com.au 3 Green & Black’s Dark Chocolate, $4.33 4 Slipper socks, $34.95, dnssupply.com.au 5 Friends Blu-ray box set, $162, jbhifi online.com.au 6 A puppy HAPPY?!) like spilling co ee on yourself on the way to work – and then tell themselves they’re wrong for being upset and they’re a hopeless person, which just creates a vicious cycle. We all have an internal dialogue but, for some people, it can really spiral. Negative emotions and thoughts can feed o each other, and the worst-case scenario is depression or a major anxiety disorder. In some instances, people can become incapacitated by it.” Of course, depression and anxiety needs treatment asap, so if you’re constantly held hostage by your negative thoughts, head to your GP, who can provide treatment or give you a referral for a few free sessions with a psychologist. Bad-day hijackers Don’t you hate it when someone you love takes over your bad day with their own? For example, you may say to your partner or friend, “Today was awful. I’ve been stuck in meetings, I haven’t had lunch plus my boss made me redo that project.” But when the response is, “Well, at least you have a job that you enjoy. Come back to me when you work 80 hours a week in a crappy role with a manager who hates you”, no one could fault you for wallowing in private under the nearest doona. Being shut down when you really just need to vent is frustrating, because sometimes all we want is to be heard. If such exchanges are a regular occurrence between you and a loved one, Sharp suggests trying a refl ection technique where you tell the other person – in the nicest possible way – that you’re not down with their bad-day hijacking. “Say something like, ‘I know you love me but, every time I tell you I’m having a bad day, you respond like this and it makes me feel like you’re not listening. I’d appreciate if you could do