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caption56 Photography Chris Craymer/ trunkarchive. com/ Snapper Media gm0413sexp56.pdf Page 56 14/02/2013, 3:00:57 PM

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caption57 goodhealth. I never feel like sex. Vanessa: The level of interest in sex varies immensely from person to person, and an individual’s interest in sex changes from year to year, week to week, day to day. People may want sex every day or never. When it comes to how often you want sex, it’s not useful to compare yourself to what you think other people may be doing. The absence of sexual desire can be attributed to low libido as a result of It’s not unusual to worry about whether we conform to what’s considered ‘normal’ when it comes to sex. Here, two experts tell you how to manage sex stress. By Angela Donaldson it normal to never want sex at all? To enjoy porn? To experience pain during intercourse? We asked sexologists Vanessa Thompson from NSW Sexology Services and Elaine George from Sexology Australia to respond to readers’ most common queries. childbirth, sexual abuse, sexual pain, sexual dysfunction and stress. If your lack of desire concerns you or is causing an issue in your relationship, see a sexologist or sex therapist. It could be that you are asexual – where there’s little or no interest in sex – which is a legitimate sexual orientation that accounts for at least one per cent of the population. There are even dating websites for asexual people. How does it sit with you that you never want sex? If it doesn’t worry you and you are in a relationship where it isn’t an issue, be comfortable in your choice. I have a higher libido than my partner. Elaine: There is no ‘normal’ level of sexual desire and/or sexual activity between couples. It is rare for a couple’s levels of desire to be perfectly matched, so yes, it isn’t unusual that one of you would have a higher libido. Men and women are brought up to believe that men want sex more often than women, so when a woman has a stronger desire than her male partner, it can be bewildering for both. Rest assured, it doesn’t

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caption58 In some couples, the partner with a higher level of desire can meet some of their own needs through self-pleasuring, but the couple still needs to address their emotional connection and intimacy. I’ve never had an orgasm. Vanessa: About 10 to 15 per cent of women have never had an orgasm so it’s not abnormal. Another 75 per cent can’t achieve orgasm through intercourse alone, needing clitoral stimulation rather than vaginal stimulation alone. Some women can’t orgasm with a partner, but can by themselves, through self-pleasuring. The inability to orgasm is attributed to technique (many men don’t know how to assist their partner to orgasm) and not being able to let go. Not being able to let go comes from the background ‘story’ we have about sex: what we learned in our family of origin and our beliefs and values around sex. If you view it as bad or dirty, you’re not going to be able to let go and enjoy it. Unfortunately, pornography has created the expectation that most women, when aroused, are permanently lubricated, but real life is very different. Educate your partner about vaginal dryness. Reassure him that it’s not related to his ability to stimulate you, or indeed an indicator of your desire: you can be aroused but just not lubricated. Applying lubricant to each other can add a new dimension to foreplay. I like looking at porn. Vanessa: The concern about whether it’s ‘normal’ for women to look at pornography comes from the notion that looking at porn is something that men do. It’s becoming more common for women to look at it: about 30 per cent of internet pornography consumers are women, according to 2008 internet statistics. There are now websites dedicated to pornography that are specifically targeted at women and these are generally regarded as less degrading towards women. What turns us on varies between individuals and pornography can play a part in a health

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caption59 FINDINg a SEX thEraPISt ❤ It’s important that you feel comfortable with your sex therapist or sexologist. Do your research to nd the right therapist for you and your particular needs. Before you make an appointment, talk to the therapist about their education, experience, how much success they’ve had and what methods they use. It hUrts When I have sex. elaine: Painful sex isn’t normal. It impairs your ability to enjoy and look forward to sex, and can make it unbearable. CYsTiTis Cystitis, which can cause pain during and after sex, is the fi rst thing to rule out with a simple test from the GP. Cystitis can be a consequence of vigorous sexual activity. Flushing the area by urinating immediately after sex can help prevent cystitis as it can wash away bacteria. THRUsH Even a low-grade infection – that you might not know you have – can also cause pain. Your GP can diagnose thrush with a swab test. It is very important to ensure that your partner is also treated by applying a liberal amount of appropriate anti-fungal cream to his genitals. Other causes include: VUlVODYnia Pain in the vulva and entrance to the vagina. DYsPaReUnia Pain during intercourse and dryness of the vagina caused by anxiety. VaGinisMUs Extreme tightness of the vaginal muscles which can make intercourse virtually impossible. If you suspect you have any of these conditions, ask your GP for a referral to a gynaecologist who can talk you through your treatment options. lisTen TO SEXoLogISt VaNESSa thoMPSoN tELL What yoU CaN EXPECt WhEN yoU VISIt a SEX thEraPISt. download the free viewa app then select the Good Health channel and hold your phone or tablet over this page to watch the video. FREE FROM ALCOHOL, ARTIFICIAL COLOURS, AND PRESERVATIVES AVAILABLE AT ALL GOOD HEALTH STORES,SELECTED PHARMACIES AND SUPERMARKETS Enquiries, Nature’s Synergy Pty Ltd Phone (02) 9499 7023Fax (02) 9499 7024 Email: s